You know you are a Gastric Bypass Patient When…
ü I have a date" does not mean you're going out.
ü You have baby food in the house and no baby.
ü "I'm a loser" is a good thing.
ü All of your silverware says Gerber.
ü A wooden spoon isn't just for cooking.
ü "Welcome to the other side" doesn't include death.
ü New clothes fall off in a week.
ü You get excited about hand me downs.
ü The scale at Wal-Mart no longer says "one at a time please".
ü Going bald and getting wrinkles is a good thing.
ü "Just water for me please".
ü Hitting the "Century Mark" is actually a good thing.
ü You can be touched by an angel and still not be considered crazy.
ü When your rear end no longer looks like a mudslide.
ü When you get excited that your incision was "only 4 inches".
ü When the word lap has nothing to do with a strip club.
ü Other women are calling you names behind your back.
ü When you are glared at in the plus size department because you don't "belong there".
ü When you really don't have a thing to wear.
ü You have to prove you are the person on the driver’s license.
ü You start being in the pictures not behind the camera.
ü You want to hug everyone fat and hand them your surgeon's card.
ü You are never parted from a bottle of water
ü When you order a doggy bag at the same time as your meal.
ü Being too small for your britches.
ü When the only way your nipples are where they belong is to roll them up, position them with your bra and secure with a ponytail holder.
ü When you go pick up your child at school and all the other kids say WOW you're mom is hot.
ü When you go to the mall and take the first available space instead of circling 20 minutes for one closer to the door.
ü You truly are a "cheap date".
ü When one drink makes you flipping floozy!
ü When you run to the door and don't hear a flapping sound.
ü You flip your shirt to show complete strangers your scar.
ü Vitamins feel like a meal.
ü You go from a 56DDDD to 32AAA in a year and didn't have a breast reduction.
ü You've just lost 100 lbs and run into a high school friend who asks "did you change your hair?"
ü You can cross your legs... both of them
ü Instead of a Wonder Bra you need a Wonder Where They Went Bra
ü When your obsession from food turns to your scale.
ü They no longer call 911 for the Jaws of life to extricate you from a turnstile.
ü No more Velcro shoes
ü Tongs are no longer to fry chicken.
ü "Checking for leaks" no longer includes your panties
ü When your Stairmaster is no longer used for drying your fine washables
ü Your mother says "You don't eat enough"
ü When your doctor looks you in the eye and says "I know you will have success with this."
ü Having sex your husband complains that your hip bones are poking him.
ü You can wear corduroy pants without igniting a fire
ü When you wave and your upper arms wave back
ü You safety pin your underwear
ü Someone phones and thinks your husband is sneaking around with some skinny mistress
ü Cannot blame the cat for shedding
ü Cancel your Lane Bryant Credit Card
ü 3 Lean Cuisines a week and that's your total grocery purchase
ü The kids wonder what happened to the cake and cookie god...did he die???
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